Helping Someone in Crisis

Your have a friend in crisis; It might be, divorce, financial crisis, a death in the family, or a health scare. It may even be something that wouldn’t be a crisis for you, but is for them. 

Maybe your friend asked for support; maybe they didn’t say anything at all. You WANT to help, but don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. What can you do?

Even though you aren’t a professional therapist, pastor or grief counselor, you are an expert human being.

You can do so many things to help someone get through a crisis or overwhelming incident.

The best support you can offer is to listen. Listen without haste, without judgment, and without worry; The way you’d want someone to listen to you.

It's okay if you don't know what to say. You can simply say that. “I don’t know what to say,” or “I wish I could do more,” or “I’m here.” Say, “I want to listen, but I don’t know how.”

Just being there, listening and witnessing pain, is tremendously helpful. Set aside what you think their experience should be, or how you would react in a similar situation. Allow them to cry, yell, talk or be silent. Just hold the space, and be ready to listen.

Don’t worry that talking about the crisis will “make them sad” or “make them angry”; They are already sad or angry. Being able to talk about it will help them work through these feelings. 

This process can’t be rushed, and will take longer if their feelings are ignored, judged, or minimized. Avoid saying things like, “don’t feel so bad,” or “you always come through these things.” 

Sometimes, a person in crisis may be tempted to do something reckless, impulsive, or self-destructive. You can suggest that often the best thing to do is let the dust settle; They might feel different later.

If they ask for advice: refrain.  Instead, say something like, “I could tell you what some people do in that situation, or I can help you brainstorm ideas, but there’s nobody in the world who knows what you feel as well as you do. What ideas do you have?” If you have specific information or resources that they don’t have, of course you can tell them, but simply listening is unquestionably the best way to support a person in crisis.